don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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