Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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