just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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