Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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