Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
