I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
