I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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