i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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