Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
