don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
