blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I enjoy the company of your penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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