Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
