ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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