if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
try to milk me bitch
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