just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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