my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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