I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
