Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize