I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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