a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I forget how to act sober
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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