real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
