I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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