I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
