drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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