i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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