She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
