i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
