I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
