ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
