Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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