Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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