I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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