Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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