I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize