btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
