So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
