2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
