I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I want to make a zoo with you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
