hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
