So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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