I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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