it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize