dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
