Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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