Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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