The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
