his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize