when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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