it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
this is an emotional support booty call
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
