I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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