I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize