My friends, they love my intelligence
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
