Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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