I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
