Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize