um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
