My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
