Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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