I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
