Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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