the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
