Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
