He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
