What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
