So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
