Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He is an equal opportunity slut.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
