I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
