So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
