pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
