It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dick very happy bro
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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