So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
