it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize