I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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